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The only Dumb question is the one not...

Reality TVClubHouse Discussions: General Discussions: The only Dumb question is the one not asked (Q&A) users admin

Most people know about various web related information sources, including Google. Please remember that people posting questions in this thread have decided to ask people at TVCH for some help and advice. They want your help. Please do not direct them to search Google (though you can provide helpful links from your own searches).

  Thread Last Poster Posts Pages Last Post
ARCHIVESJuju2bigdog600 25 05-20-17  9:40 pm
Archive through June 13, 2017Grooch25 06-13-17  5:41 pm
Archive through June 15, 2017Seamonkey25 06-15-17  10:41 am
Archive through July 19, 2017Mack25 07-19-17  2:22 pm
Archive through August 03, 2017Roxip25 08-03-17  9:28 am
Archive through August 07, 2017Roxip25 08-07-17  7:02 am
Archive through August 20, 2017Dipo25 08-20-17  6:31 pm
Archive through September 06, 2017Kitt25 09-06-17  8:38 pm
Archive through September 11, 2017Seamonkey25 09-11-17  4:17 pm
Archive through October 09, 2017Seamonkey25 10-09-17  6:28 pm
Archive through November 14, 2017Kitt25 11-14-17  12:33 pm
Archive through December 17, 2017Naja25 12-17-17  2:31 pm
Archive through December 22, 2017Pamy25 12-22-17  8:08 pm
Archive through January 02, 2018Grooch25 01-02-18  4:20 pm
Archive through January 04, 2018Karuuna25 01-04-18  10:27 am
Archive through January 17, 2018Roxip25 01-17-18  3:00 pm
Archive through March 11, 2018Dipo25 03-11-18  8:13 pm
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Author Message
Pamy
Member

01-01-2002

Sunday, March 11, 2018 - 8:49 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
You should really consider something else besides a will to pass your property. will means heirs have to probate and spend 10s of thousands of dollars.
A revocable living trust is one of the best way to pass real estate to loved ones...if you cant afford to create one, have those heirs help you pay. you can get one for about 1000...sometimes more, sometimes less. but trust me they would rather pay 1000 now than 10,000 in future. and they are written to account for if any heirs pass before you do...

also wills can be contested, trusts cant...so no drama later on :-)

suzeorman.com

she has info on it all. she is fabulous!

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Sunday, March 11, 2018 - 10:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
I was about to say look into making them co-owners on the house now, but Pamy probably has a MUCH better idea.

Bigdog's Momma died June 2016. Probably around 20-25 years ago a friend of mine who is an attorney and lived in Arkansas, where Momma lived, agreed to create a living trust for Momma, making Bigdog the trustee. He was a quite brilliant and savvy fellow. He drew up a trust and charged Momma over $2000 for it. The cost sort of took our breath away, as we presumed it might be at a big discount, and it was not. Momma paid up, and got a really good document and proceeded to put all of her assets into the trust.

Momma was always a very vindictive woman if she imagined anybody had crossed her and got more so as she got older. But she was also very frugal, and the fact that she paid $2000 for that living trust probably prevented her from revoking it on a whim. Friend was probably in his mid to late 50's when he wrote the trust, Momma in her late 80's. I asked him to keep the original of the document, and he refused, saying, "Oh, Momma will outlive me." Friend died at 66, Momma at 111.

But, I digress. Bigdog, as trustee of Momma's trust inherited everything VERY smoothly without going through probate, and with very little hassle. Friend also prepared a simple will designating all of her assets go into the trust and be divided between her two sons equally upon her death and designating the survivor trustee if either or both sons should pre-decease her.

Sorry to digress, Bisc, but yes, look into living trust.

So sorry to hear you might be getting the flu. It has been a very bad year for it all over the country, and very hard-hitting for those who contract it. Take it real easy, and come through it with minimal trauma.

I am sorry I don't have any friends currently practicing law in the state of WA. Contacting senior services sounds like a VERY good idea. I do know WA is one of the best states, if not the VERY best state, for senior planning. And, if you don't have the time or energy right now, but want to get something together right away, I learned a few years ago that one of the best places with a lot of info on senior services was/is the public library. And you also probably have multiple senior centers in Seattle.

Colordeagua
Member

10-24-2003

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 4:21 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Colordeagua a private message Print Post    
will means heirs have to probate and spend 10s of thousands of dollars.

If you do NOT have a will, you have to probate.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 9:20 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
New question: Has anyone ever heard of Case Western Reserve University?

I'm googling a doctor and this is where he went to medical school. I want to know if it is a good one or not. Lol!

Dogdoc
Member

09-29-2001

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 10:42 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dogdoc a private message Print Post    
I have heard of Case Western.

It is not the medical school that makes a good doctor, it is the dedication of the medical student that makes the difference.

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 11:25 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
True, but he's the emergency room doctor and i cant find any reviews on him and I gotta start somewhere while I'm bored. Lol!

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 11:28 am   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
Ah, I see he did his residency at Mt Sinai. Not to shabby.

Dipo
Member

04-23-2002

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 12:26 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dipo a private message Print Post    
Yeah, I think it is more meaningful where they do their residency than the school.

Pamy
Member

01-01-2002

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 2:51 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Color, if you only have a will and your heir isnt on title in CA you have to go thru probate to have a court decide who is entitled to the property. We cant just transfer title if someone shows us a will.

Bisc, in CA adding people to title can cause re-assessment depending on the way the deed is written. fyi

Pamy
Member

01-01-2002

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 2:53 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
Color, eta maybe with the will it's not a full blown probate, I dont know that part. I just know how we can transfer title/what documentation is needed/ :-)

Roxip
Member

01-29-2004

Monday, March 12, 2018 - 3:09 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Roxip a private message Print Post    
I know in Texas you don't have to probate the will if there is no cause for it. The only reason we had to probate my mom's estate was because she had one small savings account that had both my dad and her name on it and the bank wouldn't release the funds to him. Ridiculous.

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Tuesday, March 13, 2018 - 6:40 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
THX everyone for the enlightening feedback!!!

I'm reading up on your suggestions, making up a list of all my assets (started remembering others that I hadn't considered), plus a list of all my questions.

THEN, I'm going to call my lawyer to see what we can work out - maybe I could pay for his notary to come to the house. I have the money already for it all. Questions such as, wonder if a living trust would help to transfer Kid Sis' name to my existing mortgage after my demise?

I know back when he wrote up the will he said that WA State probate was simpler & regular people could do it plus he would be glad to help if there were any questions. He said WA didn't want to gouge people like in AZ or CA, where an entire estate could be eaten up in attorney fees.

Thanks again for giving useful advice! I plan to take it.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Tuesday, March 13, 2018 - 10:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    
Bisc, if the attorney's notary can't come to the house, I think you are on NextDoor. There will certainly be a traveling house-call notary in a nearby neighborhood, probably somebody who has forgotten they even ARE a notary.

Also consider the option of consulting an attorney who specializes in living trusts and geriatric law. Your local senior center would have a recommendation. It concerns me a bit that a lawyer would talk to you about probate and other places eating up the estate with legal fees when a trust avoids probate altogether. I do NOT know WA law about probate and trusts, etc. Perhaps there is a reason you do not qualify for a living trust. You might have too large of an estate to qualify or something like that. A million dollars sort of rings a bell with me. In Arkansas pretty much nobody had a million dollars. In Seattle, you might be sort of poor if you don't have a million dollar estate. Check into that aspect. But you DO NOT have to tell us here. Just pointing out stuff.

Biscottiii
Member

05-29-2004

Friday, March 16, 2018 - 5:05 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Biscottiii a private message Print Post    
THX Juju!

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 12:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
When you guys send flowers or plants to a funeral home, do you expect a thank you note? I ask because I just got another one (different funeral) for what I sent. That last thing I want someone worrying about after the death of their loved one is to remember to send me a thank you note. They just don't have to do it. I won't feel bad at all not getting one.

Sugar
Member

08-15-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sugar a private message Print Post    
Yes, thank you notes for flowers, donations, food/meals etc after someone has died are to be sent to those who were kind enough to think of you and your family.
The funeral home likely kept a list and possibly pictures of any flowers that were sent to the funeral. Ideally, the thank you cards are sent within a few weeks.

When my mom died unexpectantly, we started writing the notes the afternoon and next day after the service. That worked well as we were all still in town and could all help my dad with the sites as well as personally write a note to our specific friends or co-workers.


Lakecat
Member

10-01-2006

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:11 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Lakecat a private message Print Post    
I don't expect a thank you card and I didn't send any when my mom died but I would ask someone to look for my flowers if I'm not going to be there to make sure they arrived. One time I ordered and they didn't get there.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:15 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
thank you notes are for old farts - the younguns don't care much about thank you notes

Dfennessey
Member

07-25-2004

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:50 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dfennessey a private message Print Post    
I went to 2 weddings in one summer 2 weeks apart the bride of one was cousins to the groom of the other this was 3 years ago Got a thank you card (and yes it was for both the shower and the wedding all wrapped into one) from the groom and his wife shortly after the wedding which was the second wedding . these weddings were almost 3 years ago and to this day I have not received a thank you card from the 1st wedding that we went to. and not that I am looking for pitty but I was unemployed this summer but still gave gifts

Naja
Member

06-28-2003

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:54 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Naja a private message Print Post    
Oh I expect a thank you for wedding gifts and similar things. I am specifically talking about a thank you note for funeral flowers or plants (or whatever you may send). I just don't want someone that is grieving over their dead loved one to worry about getting a thank you to me. There's enough for them to deal with.

Sugar
Member

08-15-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:55 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sugar a private message Print Post    
I am not an old fart and I know to send thank you notes and I do expect a gift to be properly acknowledged.

Those who can't be bothered are no longer worthy of my time.


Karuuna
Board Administrator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:56 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Karuuna a private message Print Post    
I give everything without strings. I never expect a thank you.

Sugar
Member

08-15-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 1:59 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Sugar a private message Print Post    
I expect basic courtesy. Letting someone know that something was received is basic courtesy.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 2:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
Sugar, I agree with you but some people just don't pay attention to thank you notes anymore. A quick thank you on the cellphone is probably more realistic these days.

(oh, and i am an old fart so i can say that )

Grooch
Member

06-16-2006

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 2:03 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Grooch a private message Print Post    
What exactly are you supposed to say in the Thank You note? Are you supposed to mention the specific flowers they sent? Are you supposed to thank everybody that showed up at the funeral home, it too? I've sent flowers but never expected to get a card back.

Jimmer
Moderator

08-30-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 2:16 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Jimmer a private message Print Post    
I think that thank you notes or a call or some form of communication is nice, but with grieving people that is the last thing that I'd be concerned about receiving.

Rosie
Member

11-12-2003

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 2:24 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Rosie a private message Print Post    
a few from out of state have sent me a photo of the arrangement, along with the thank you notes.

i took photos of the arrangements sent for my father and my mother seemed to appreciate seeing the photos.

Roxip
Member

01-29-2004

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 2:41 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Roxip a private message Print Post    
Wow, I must not have saved! I do think thank you notes are appropriate for people who send flowers, bring food, etc. I don't think they are necessarily expected.

When my mother died my niece and I sat down and wrote the thank you notes after we got home from the funeral. It was cathartic knowing how much my mom was loved and what nice friends she had. I still have some of the plants that were sent, and today I had to send an arrangement for the husband of one of the women who sent flowers to my mom's service. Do I care whether I get a thank you note - no, but I expect I will.

Dipo
Member

04-23-2002

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 5:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Dipo a private message Print Post    
Yep, I sent thank you notes for the flowers, etc for my Mom's funeral, I thought it was dictated by Ms. Manners.

And yes, I didn't care if I got a thank you note for a funeral, weddings and showers yes..

Pamy
Member

01-01-2002

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 7:04 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Pamy a private message Print Post    
I have taught Dylan to send thank you cards. You never know how much someone appreciates it. Yes, the youngins dont send cards like we did but I hope Dylan continues to send handwritten cards long after I am gone.

Texannie
Member

07-15-2001

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 7:33 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Texannie a private message Print Post    
When my mom died, the idea of writing thank you notes was just unbearable, but then I remembered the people who chose to honor my mom with gifts deserved to be acknowledged and my mom would have wanted me to.
So I did. They weren’t wordy, just simple. “thank you for remembering my mom”

Seamonkey
Moderator

09-07-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 9:02 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Seamonkey a private message Print Post    
I never demand or expect a thank you, but have gotten a couple from younger people that were very sweet.

When my mom and dad died, we did send thank yous for donations to Better Breathers, a group that had helped them so much (mom had copd/emphysema).

My parents had arranged to have their ashes go out to sea and did not want services or flowers.

I sent their Christmas cards early to those people, relatives and really long term friends, and included pictures and their knits and tributes I had written.

I got lovely calls and letters.

Juju2bigdog
Member

10-27-2000

Tuesday, March 20, 2018 - 11:17 pm   Edit Post Move Post Delete Post View Post Send Juju2bigdog a private message Print Post    

quote:

When my mom died, the idea of writing thank you notes was just unbearable, but then I remembered the people who chose to honor my mom with gifts deserved to be acknowledged and my mom would have wanted me to.
So I did. They weren’t wordy, just simple. “thank you for remembering my mom”


This is exactly correct. Texannie does not know it, but I have never known anybody to be more grief-stricken than she was when her Mom died. I was truly, truly worried that she was not going to make it. But she did, and remains a strong and sensible woman to this day.

Always take Texannie's advice. She is one of the sanest people I have ever met, although she may not see that she is seen that way by others.

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